I attended my last-ever lecture session for my degree course last Saturday. I did my presentation, albeit not as well as I would have liked to, but I am beyond caring. I just feel incredibly light-weight. I feel new. I feel like the world is at my feet. I feel like I can now go out and accomplish what I have been called to do. I feel reborn. No doubt, it’s a fleeting feeling (then again, aren’t all emotions?). But does everybody who graduate feel this way? Or is it just me?
Anyway, I’ve been reading lots of books while waiting to be employed. Mostly Christian ones. Some software ones like Photoshop and Excel. One of the books I read made me realise that I have what I’ll call a perfection complex. I always feel the need to appear problem-free in front of my friends. I am afraid to share about my failures, about my feelings about such failures. In short, I am afraid to be vulnerable.
Normally, I would think it’s a good thing. But the book says that it makes you less approachable to your friends because they think you’re not going to be understanding to their problems. I think that rings very true. I recently shared with a friend how I messed up, and we laughed about it. She said, “I never thought you will make mistakes like that.” When I was reading that particular book, I remembered what that friend said, and I realised that I’ve been too busy trying my best to hide my problems from my friend, and for what purpose? To show them I’m not human?! That I don’t make mistakes? That’s obviously impossible. So why am I afraid to be vulnerable? Am I afraid they’ll think less of me? Possibly so, but aren’t real friendships those that remain even when we’ve seen each other at our worst? I like to think, and I believe that all the friends I have around me are those that are very accepting. I really believe that this is true. People like my JC mates and some of my Secondary school friends are people that I think will accept each other, faults and all.
Besides, people who have the perfection complex are no fun to be around at all. They seem forbidding, cold and unapproachable. At least, that’s my opinion.
